I’ve been looking forward to this video more than I think Uncle Tony and Lamchop have…and that’s probably underrating how badly they’ve wanted this video to happen. The “Bottle Rocket” Coronet, their stripped-down taxicab Dodge that’s packing a 318 that acts like a pissed-off 340, a four-speed swap, and a ton of tricks that come straight from the catalog of DeFeo’s book of witchcraft, has been patiently waiting for a chance to hit a drag strip. Now, originally, this should’ve happened months ago, but besides the pandemic, there’s been another wrench in the plans: Lamchop’s cancer treatments. No matter how badly they wanted to get the car to the track, and how badly they wanted to see what it would do, his health takes priority over all. So it’s taken until the start of summer to get the Coronet lined up at the tree.

Now, why was I so antsy to see this? In my back catalog of cars is an infamous item: a 360, four-speed swapped 1987 Dodge Diplomat ex-cop unit that was known as “Warhammer”. When I saw the Coronet rock through the shifts the first time, I had flashbacks like you wouldn’t believe. Warhammer was the first car with any kind of mentionable power that I took to the dragstrip. At a test-and-tune at Temple Academy (read: Little River Dragway), the Diplomat’s one balls-out lap went like this: at the green, I stalled it trying to soft-launch the car. I restarted the car, tried again…and stalled again. I fired it off again and I let the car go fully unleashed. I lost the timeslip years ago, but the ballpark was low-17 seconds at over 110 miles per hour in the quarter. That meant that the Diplomat was nice and potent for an everyday-driver kind of car, and that with a check of tune, some cooler temperatures and a driver that actually knew what the f**k he was doing with three pedals and a shifter, that the Diplomat would be a rocker. The car never saw the strip again. So there is a bit of admiration (and a touch of jealousy, it must be said) for the learning curve that Lamchop is enjoying, because it’s something I didn’t do. Don’t cry for me, I’m planning on rectifying that soon enough.

Now, be sure to listen to the first part of the video…don’t skip ahead straight to the action. And understand that the Coronet isn’t going to be a sideways, smoking bucket of violence the first time out. This is the introductory lesson for Lamchop, and a sorting session for the Dodge. But enjoy it for what it is!

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